Thursday, May 28, 2009


I just found this hilarious website called, The Young Earth Creation Club.  I think I'm going to start a segment on my blog talking about why they fail.  Starting right now.

On their main page, they have a link called "Evolutionism is Religion."
What the f*ck is evolutionism!?!?!?


I'm so sick of seeing those stupid coexist bumper stickers.

How could they forget Pastafarianism?
Until they include us in their "coexisting" we shall strike fear into their hearts, pirating their ships, terrorizing their shores, plundering their booty.

It should look something like this:

Lazy, ungrateful bastards.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

End of The World

Where do you run to when the world is being destroyed?


Not-So-Good News For Daniel Hauser

Yes that poor child is finally in the hospital, getting his chemo...
But let's be honest, he has absolutely no chance of being a normal, rational, functioning human being. Poor kid.

New Video...?

It seems as though Kayla has tagged me to sing in a video... and of course, I must oblige, for Kayla.
It won't be my usual style of video, but it will be a video nonetheless.  I guess for now I'll just be using my account for messing around, none of my usual argumentative, atheistic stuff.
So for everyone who wants me back on YouTube, you're getting a part of your wish granted.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Idiot Escapades At Computer Geeks (Part I)

*sarcasm*Working at a computer store is such a delight. You meet some of the most wonderful people!*sarcasm*
Over the weekend I had fixed (or tried to fix) a laptop. We had brought it in thinking that we needed to reinstall the Operating System.
For those of you who don't know, the OS is basically the massive piece of software that lets you interface with the hardware. For most people, Windows XP. Reinstalling this software is a very destructive action that involves reformatting the hard drive.
I plugged in an external USB hard drive, and commenced backing up the data. A short time later I checked on the transfer, only to find that the computer had shut off while I wasn't looking. So I tried again. About ten seconds into the transfer the computer just cut off. Dead. It died quite instantly, and wasn't low on battery, so it couldn't have been the battery or a bad connection to the charger. Since it was a USB hard drive that had (probably) caused the computer to die, the motherboard is a likely candidate for failure. Unfortunately, on a laptop there's nothing I can do to fix it, so it's not my problem anymore.

The owner of the computer comes in the store today to pick up his machine, and so begins my story. This man comes in and we hand him the computer, expecting him to just leave, since we have nothing to show him, not having fixed his computer and all. But no, he takes it, puts it down on the counter and says, "No, you ain't gettin' off that easy." And the fun began.

He claimed that when he brought the computer in there was nothing wrong with it.
"So... why did you bring it to us in the first place?"
"Because the DVD drive wouldn't do what I wanted it to."
So I calmly explained that it wasn't the DVD drive itself, but the operating system that was causing the problem, and that we couldn't fix it because the motherboard was going bad.
"Well you can't just give me back a broken machine, I need a computer!"
So I told him that we didn't do any work on it, so he didn't owe us any money.
"You don't understand though... I need a computer."
I repeated that we couldn't fix it, and he would have to take it somewhere else.
"But it wasn't having that problem when I brought it in, so you must have broken it."
At which point my boss came up and asked him if he had ever even tried to plug something in to the USB port.
"You don't understand... I need my computer!"
"No, I understand, but we can't do anything about that."
"Yes, you can replace my computer!"
"Well it isn't our fault that it's broken."
"But it wasn't having that problem when I brought it in!"

That cyclical conversation went on for another five minutes before the owner of the store showed up. She wasn't in a very good mood to begin with, and when she heard the way the conversation was going she wasn't happy. She grabbed the reigns of the conversation, and didn't take any shit from him. At one point he actually said to her "Well, regardless of the facts..." She laughed, turned around, and said, "Just get out of here and sue me then." With a big smile on her face. Of course, that didn't stop him. The conversation finally ended with her saying "shoo" over and over again while he tried to explain that he needed his computer, and that we owed him the money for it.

This world is truly filled with idiots.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Chek Yo'self B4 You Rek Yo'self

If you've never heard of Ali G, boy are you missing out. You've probably heard of his Khazakstani character, Borat, or maybe even his real name, Sacha Baron Cohen. Bruno, his blatantly homosexual, Austrian character is getting his own movie sometime in the future. But, of course, the funniest of his alter egos is Ali G, shown in the following video. He is, of course, a satirist, and a good one at that, but none of the people in this video are aware of that fact... not even our good creationist friend, Kent Hovind.


Hopefully this post won't be as vaccuous as the title implies...
The concept of nothingness has always been something I've struggled with. The way I used to explain it to prospective listeners during late night philosophical conversations is as follows:

"Imagine the universe. Generally people think of it as a spherical object. Now imagine what's outside that sphere. If you subscribe to some sort of multiversal theory, just go out as far as you can and imagine what's outside of that. If you've never thought about it before you're probably imagining blackness, but if you have, you're probably struggling to imagine anything at all, which is exactly what should be going on. Blackness doesn't even begin to cover 'nothing.' It's almost unimaginable. How do you visualize, or even idealize something as 'empty' as nothingness?"

The conversation almost never went farther than that... but I have, and I will here. It becomes even more complicated when you think about what nothingess truly means. To understand the word "existence" we need a concept of nothingness to juxtapose it to. Like I've said before, the universe is a relative place. The only way we understand something is by comparing it to something else. So what is existence? The property of not not-existing. But for nothing to... 'exist' (the only verb that comes close to describing it) there cannot be anything else in 'existence'... because... well, because then it wouldn't really be nothingness, now would it? Seems like a bit of a paradox, but we can always chalk it up to the fact that just because our minds require it, doesn't mean that nothingness has a manifestation in reality. It might only exist in our minds.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Ontological Argument

V requested that I write about
"Anything, everything, something.
Just not nothing."
So I've decided to be facetious and write about exactly that, mixed in with some philosophy, because I guess that's interesting to read about.  Mike Campochiaro, a YouTube theist, once used something called the "Ontological Argument."  I swear, he must be a satirist, because this is the best argument I've heard from him, and it's a pretty pathetic argument.  It goes something (but not necessarily) like this.

1. You can imagine god
2. God is a perfect being
3. Existing is more perfect than non-existing
4. God must exist

Okay, I probably shouldn't have to explain why this is a preposterous argument that deserves no merit, but I will anyways.  Premise 1 and 2 are a bit shaky by themselves.  How do you define a perfect being? Can the human brain imagine perfection? But beyond all that, premise 3 is an incredibly pompous assumption.  How do you know existing is more perfect? In fact, I would think that non-existence is more perfect! Logically speaking, perfection cannot exist.  Since the universe is subjective, you can't explain anything in non-relative terms, therefore, perfection is an illogical concept.  For example, saying that god is a perfect being is really just saying that he's the most powerful thing you can imagine.  There could always be something better than him, your imagination is just too feeble to conceive of it.  Subjectivity.

Books... Of The Present!

Here's another endorsement of a great series of sci-fi books.
The Hyperion Cantos, which is made up of four books, Hyperion, The Fall of Hyperion, Endymion, and The Rise of Endymion.
I haven't read them for a while, but I'm rereading them.  All I remember is that it is the most epic sci-fi story ever told.  It'd be like if John Keat's poetry, Canterbury Tales, Lord of the Rings, and Isaac Asimov had a baby.  Then that baby became god and created a perfect universe.  That would be the Hyperion Cantos.

Books... Of The Future!

I've decided to get an ebook reader for my birthday. I read far too much for paper books to be efficient anymore. Now the only problem is, I can't choose between the Kindle, and the Sony Ebook Reader. The Kindle is incredibly convenient and has way more features... doesn't really seem like a huge problem, eh? Well it is, because the Sony is so much prettier.

Meh... I guess I'll just get the Kindle and deal with the ugly. I just wish it didn't have that stupid keyboard. It's a f*cking ebook reader... what do I need to type on it?!?

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?

Watchmen... Quite possibly the greatest graphic novel... no, the greatest thing ever written. I've said it before and I'll say it again, absolutely brilliant, poetic... necessary. If you haven't read it, you need to. Seriously... I can't stress it enough. Read it, then read it again. Read it until you can recite every line from every page, until you can pick out the symbolism from a mile away. I honestly can't explain how incredible it is. Please... just read it? It's got some heavy atheistic overtones... but beyond that it's pure awesomeness...

Philosophy Time!

By reader request, I will be doing a philosophy post! (I have to please my reader(s?)) For those of you who don't know much about philosophy, it's basically the art of making yourself look like a jackass. So, here it goes.

I'm not sure if the argument is becoming more popular or if I'm just seeing it more often, but people really like using this one: "What is the meaning of life if you're an atheist?" Most people don't even dignify this with a response, but it's one of my favorite questions to answer!

First of all, atheism doesn't give you a reason to live. It is merely the belief that there is no god. So asking what the meaning of life is for an atheist is a purely personal question. Second of all, the question implies that believing in god gives you a reason to live. Let's examine this claim, shall we?
This is the part where I need to be incredibly wary of strawmen. If I do happen to make such a grievous logical fallacy, please tell me.

If you think that god gives your life meaning, you can answer the question of "What is god's meaning?" in two ways,
1. God is the ultimate meaning, he has and needs no meaning above and beyond himself.
I'm almost tempted to overlook this answer, since it seems obviously contradictory, but in the spirit of philosophical discussion, I'll explain. Objective meaning is a false concept. There is nothing that is "ultimate," be it morality, physicality, or meaning. Everything is relative. Perhaps god has the most meaning out of anything we know, but that's nothing special. Without the concept of ultimate meaning you may as well worship your T.V. remote, because god is just as meaningless as you.
2. God's purpose is higher than 'himself' and we can't comprehend it.
It almost seems like no one would use this argument; it's so self-refuting, but they do. If god has a higher purpose, said higher purpose must also have a higher purpose, or it would bring us back to option 1. It's an infinite regression.

That was a much shorter post than I was expecting... If anyone is confused, please speak up! I'll gladly elaborate.
Also, any suggestions for future philosophy posts (or any posts for that matter) would be greatly appreciated!

More Atheism In Cyanide and Happiness!

If you don't think this comic is funny, it only means you're still human.
(It's not called depressing comic week for nothing).
And if you do think this comic is funny, well, join the club.

Some Personal Poetry

I guess I'm going to start posting some poems on here... You don't have to read them, they're really more for me.


It wasn't even close to 'forever,'
Not even close to a lifetime.

A part of me was always afraid of this,
But I choked him to death,
Unnecessarily it seems,
(You were right, you SOB).
It was uttered so much,
With so much passion,
It felt sincere.

Truth is infinitely more painful,
Especially when it isn't true.

Faith Based Foolery

"...the inability to believe in God and to live by faith is the greatest of evils."
Or so says Archbishop Vincent Nichols. I disagree wholeheartedly, in fact, I think it's the exact opposite. Living by faith is the greatest evil. Maybe he should take a leap of faith... of a cliff.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Happiness, Your Name Is Cyanide... And Happiness

Cyanide and Happiness is a hilarious, politically incorrect comic with a cynical outlook on life.
Here's a snippet:

Fuel (In)Efficiency

Under the tyrannical reign of George Bush the auto industry had total control of how fuel efficient their cars had to be (to a certain extent). Of course, higher fuel efficiency means more work for car manufacturers and a healthier environment for all of us. Under the Obama administration the required average for fuel efficiency will soon be 35.5 MPG (Miles Per Gallon)... that's pathetic... but even more pathetic, the average for 2008... 27.5 MPG.

Just to give you an idea of what we're actually capable of, The Aptera, a car being produced solely in California, gets 300 MPG... It's way cheaper than a regular hybrid too. That's really sad... stupid auto execs... Does our environment mean nothing to them?

2010: Year of The Retarded Politician

Rep. Paul Broun wants to make 2010 the year of the Bible.
This is the man who thinks it's a waste of money to research a vaccine for the H1N1 virus. Is science ever a waste of money? What do you think he wants to do with it?... Bibles for everyone?

When will we learn that "politician" means "selfish prick"?
Not that all politicians have to be selfish pricks, but that kind of power does draw in a certain type of personality, and lets be honest, there's something seriously wrong with the way our government runs, and more importantly, politics in general.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Morallll Orel!

If P.Z. Myers were to make a television show it would be Moral Orel.
Of course, he probably isn't juvenile (or stoned) enough to have ever seen this awesome show on Adult Swim. That's the only network they could air it on. It's much too offensive.
So if you're a Christian, or someone who's easily offended by religious satire, don't watch this clip.

Funny stuff. If you want to check out the rest of this glorious, Christian bashing show go to Adult Swim, they've got full episodes! And if I offended you... well, suck it. No, but seriously, I'd love to hear why.

*Update On Miss California*

I have a hilarious new update on the "Miss California apologizes" post from yesterday.
Sarah Palin is defending Miss California's anti-gay statement, saying:
"The liberal onslaught of malicious attacks against (Miss California) Carrie Prejean for expressing her opinion is despicable,"
Palin continues, in a quizzically, nonsensical fashion,
"What I find so remarkable is that these politically-motivated attacks fail to show that what Carrie and I believe is also what the President and Ms. Clinton believe marriage is between a man and a woman,”
Yeah... I don't get it either.
But wait! She's not finished yet!
“Our Constitution protects us all — not just those who agree with the far left."
In an almost stunning display of idiocy, Palin proves herself to be just as delusional and illogical as Miss California herself.

Ida: "The Missing Link"

The media oversells everything. Yes, Darwinus masillae is an interesting and important find, but not nearly as much (or in the same way) as we've made it out to be. There are no "missing links" in the evolutionary tree. Species evolve slowly over time, like a slide, rather than rungs on a ladder. Don't misunderstand me, it is a fascinating find. A 47 million year old skeleton that is almost perfectly preserved, even the last meal she ate is intact. Of course, all of that is totally ignoring the fact that we might not even be descended from this species. It would be interesting if we are, but still, not groundbreaking. Science makes discoveries like this all the time. By making a big hoopla out of a petty (but interesting) scientific discovery we are only alienating the public from science (and the scientific method) even more. When we celebrate small victories like this it's almost like saying, "Hey creationists, we don't find sh*t like this very often, so suck it!" When what we should really be saying is, "Hey creationists, we found another 'transitional fossil' to heap on to the already massive pile of evidence in favor of evolution!"

If you do a Google News search the term "Darwinus masillae" you get two, count 'em, two hits. Only one of which is in English. Now search for "Ida missing link" Almost eight-hundred hits. This (and the LHC) is why mainstream media/humanity should just leave science (and thinking) to the big boys (scientists).

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Miss California: "Equal Rights For Everyone... Unless You're Gay"

A while ago Miss California made some disparaging remarks about homosexuals and her opinion that marriage is only between a man and a woman (no experimenting in college, Miss California? Damn...). Of course, being a media/attention whore that a pageant winner should be, she had to give a nice little apology speech, which is probably the most hilariously depressing thing I've seen in a while.
For your viewing pleasure, Miss California's apology:

Now watch this parody:

Almost identical videos...
What a pathetic showing of idiotic, mainstream America. Even worse, she thinks that she is the victim here!

Miss California: Gay people don't deserve equal rights (they aren't people).
The World: I don't want my children exposed to such prejudice!
Miss California: Well... I didn't mean it offensively!
The World: It's an inherently offensive statement! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Miss California: *Cries in corner*

More Pasta! More Pirates!

I was thinking... not very hard, but yeah.
I call myself an atheist as well as a pastafarian.

a⋅the⋅ist [ey-thee-ist]
A person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings.

s⋅ta⋅far⋅ian [pä-stä-fär-ee-eyn]
A person who is a part of the parody religion, The Church of The FSM, whose deity is a giant, flying, spaghetti monster.

How can I be an atheist and be a part of a religion (that has a deity)? The answer is quite simple, the FSM considers himself a god, but he really isn't one. Gods are perfect, infallible, omniscient and omnipotent. He isn't even close. Have you read your bible (gospel of the FSM) lately? He f*cked up... a lot. He's still f*cking up to this day! Also, he's not the brightest pile of flying spaghetti. But we won't hold it against him... okay, yeah we will. Just consider him a demi-god for now, thereby making it logically tenable to be an atheist, and a pastafarian.
Hurray for pirates!

Blog Use...

I'm sure that nobody reads this... but just in case, I'm musing about what I should use this space for, and I figured I could use some reader opinion.

My opinions about movies and books?
Philosophical discussions?
More religious topics?

I'd love to hear some input. So comon, help me mold this blog into something enjoyable!