Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Let's Check My Mail!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while!
College has been really busy...* (sort of ;P)

Anyways, remember that "young boy with a purple button up shirt and gelled hair"? Well he's been e-mailing me!
"Hey, it's me again. I thought about what you said, and I clearly understand your view of the Bible and faith. However, I strongly encourage to keep your mind open to truth. I'm sorry you couldn't make it to our revival meetings*, but there is another date I'd like you to keep in mind. November 1 is a special service for our guests. I understand your busy schedule but if it is possible, I can promise you it will be well worth the effort. It's not about joining the church, it's about hearing truth. I really believe if you come with an open mind you'll find answers to a lot of your questions about Christianity, the Bible, and faith. I think it would benifit you more than you think. I appreciate you getting back to me last time and I respect your willingness to talk. My prayer is that the truth (whatever it is), would be clearly revealed to both of us. Here's a Bible verse, John 3:18. There are only two kinds of people, those who believe and those who do not. And there are only two consequences, either you are not condemned to hell or you are. If you have minute, I strongly encourage you to check it out. Later Callif."

 Hefty stuff! Let's focus on the last part:

"There are only two kinds of people, those who believe and those who do not"
Translation: I believe in god, you don't.

"There are only two consequences, either you are not condemned to hell or you are." 
Translation: One of us is going to burn eternally, guess who it is.   
I think he just threatened me!
Fuckin' hypochristians.

*My best friend was coming back in town and I needed to do some heathen partying with him!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Fox or Foe?

Glenn Beck, Fox talk show host, is at it again.
In his last show, he spoke about Derrion Albert, the 16-year-old who was beaten and killed in a gang fight. Derrion was not even a member of either gang -- he was only trying to help a friend and got caught in the violence.

But the controversy is in Glenn Beck's monologue titled, "God Is Old News; Just Ask the Government." Glenn took advantage Derrion's story and used this tragedy to preach.
"What has caused this?...
God is no longer imprinted on America. Instead of being held up, God is being taken down."
I was most aggravated by this next quote.
"Maybe we need to stop looking at social justice and start looking at eternal justice."
It doesn't matter whether or not there is a god or gods. No matter what, we must all take responsibility. Just as we don't blame "God" for tragedies like this one, we cannot give "God" credit for things like making America powerful (Glenn talks about this in his speech too).

Having said that, there is one thing Glenn said that I do agree with.
"Let's celebrate our freedom...But let's not kill each other."

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Sara Callif: Blog Crasher

“The children are our future.”
Given that I was trapped in Jewish days schools, where indoctrination was key, from the ages of 2½ through 13, I’ve heard that saying about a gajillion times too many. However, I had never truly thought about its significance until the other day.

It all started with cereal. I pulled out a box of Honey Nut Cheerios and found this:

Just a box of Cheerios, right?
Look a little closer.

It comes with a prize. *gasp*
But wait…there’s something wrong with this…
Even though the prize is a credit card, it says, "CA$H" on it.

This raises a huge issue. Any child who eats General Mills cereal has seen this “cash card.” Those poor kids won’t be able to tell the difference between cash or credit – even paper or plastic! And before you can say supercalif(heylookitsalmostmylastname!bythewaythisissaracallifwriting)ragilisticexpialidocious, the world will overflow due to poor people and pollution.

To sum up this rant, if the children are the future, and they eat General Mills cereal, then we, as the present (or are we the past?) are screwed. No human can save us now. Our only hope is prayer – to FSM.

And just in case that doesn’t work, I’ll be buying a one-way ticket to Hell. Feel free to join the party.


~Sara Callif

Hurray! Sara Made It!

Please welcome my sister, Sara, as the new co-author of this blog! She's young, smart, and sassy; I'm sure you'll love her posts.

How I'll Have My Bachelor's Degree At 19

Anonymous commented on a previous post:
"lmfao. one of ur best postes ever callif.
btw, wut year r u in college? do u hav credits to graduate early or anything?"

First of all, thank you! I try :)

Also, I am a junior in college (18 years old), but I will be graduating in about a year and a half.  How's that for early! I don't want to blow your anonymity but I'm just going to assume you're in either high school or college, and if you are, this post will be of great help to you!

(Anyone else in college or high school reading this should be paying attention right now)

This is the way I did it, but many people seem to think they wouldn't be able to follow in my footsteps.

I dropped out of high school, basically just bumming around for a little bit.  At that point I was learning a lot on my own, but not getting good grades, so we figure the best option would be to stop forcing me to go to high school and let me teach myself whatever I wanted to learn; homeschooling.
That's the part most people seem to flinch at.
Personally I think everyone is capable of it, you just have to realize that high school is not a good representative of pure learning, and if you were allowed to teach yourself whatever you wanted however you wanted to it could be a lot more fun... but that's besides the point, even if I could convince you highschoolers to homeschool, I doubt you'd be able to convince your parents... so we'll move on to the easier part.

According to the website linked above, CLEP is the "College Level Examination Program."  Basically it's a bunch of tests designed to let you go to college cheaply, efficiently, and quickly.  Each tests takes about 3 weeks to study for (4 months for a regular course), costs $70-$120 with the textbook ($1000-$1500 for a regular college course and textbook), and is anywhere from 3-12 credits (A one semester course is 3-4 credits).  At least some of these tests are likely offered and accepted your local college.  Go to the CLEP page on the College Board website (link given above) and follow the instructions on their page.

If you do plan on trying out some of these tests you should do a couple things.  First, make sure that the specific test you want to take is accepted for credit at the college you want to attend.  You would probably have to visit the website of the college to get that information.  Second, make sure Amazon,  eBay, or your local book store carries the REA Study Guide, which is by far the best way to prepare for a CLEP (the REA website also has them for sale, and although they're more expensive you get tons of money off if you buy 3 or more).  These books have a great study schedule set up for you, as well as 2 practice tests to give you an idea of how well you'll do on the real exam.

Once you've done all that it's just a matter of taking the test and getting the credit for your newly gained knowledge! You don't have to be in high school or college to make this work for you either.  Adults looking to further their education should take this offer into consideration as well!

If you have any questions feel free to e-mail me, or leave a comment! Happy learning :D

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


"Whats better than hearing Richard Dawkins say evolution? Hearing Richard Dawkins say boobies!"
-Sara Callif

Wouldn't you love to see some posts from her? She's like a tiny, female male version of me!

Okay... SOME Parts of College Rock

My Child Psych course is a pretty standard 200-person lecture class. It's a prerequisite for almost every other psychology course, and is fairly low level. I'm pretty bored with it, but I'll deal. My problem is that the people aren't exactly the brightest bulbs. The other day we were talking about prenatal genetic testing for heritable diseases.

The professor asked what the moral and ethical implications for prenatal genetic testing were, so, of course, a (slightly) older gentleman in the front row raised his hand and said:
"You could test for a disease, then get an abortion based on the test results."

And the teacher agreed; prenatal testing could lead to horrible things like abortion. It is true that this is an ethical issue that we should contemplate, but I am inclined to disagree with my professor's sentiment. There are many diseases that would cause a child to be better off dead. We could argue about this all day, but it would be missing the point of this post.

Two days later we were talking about the spread of HIV and AIDS through breastfeeding, and the same guy asks:
"Is there a law against breastfeeding if you have AIDS?! There should be! It's murder!"

This statement missed the obvious fact that all childbirth is murder, not even mentioning the multitude of horrible genetic deformities and diseases that can drastically decrease the quality of life (and lifespan!) of those who inherit them... All of those could be easily avoided. Through what you ask? Abortion of course.

Later on in my discussion group the T.A. asked what the ethical implications of genetically engineering children could be. One particularly perky girl (this class is at 8 A.M... No one should be perky at that hour lol) answered in a spectacularly thoughtless fashion. She said:
"Well, if we make perfect humans we'd be interfering with the way God made us."
Thank Pasta it was so early in the morning, otherwise I probably would have smashed my forehead into my palm.

Oh well! I guess I'll just have to focus on the positive... like, I'm in college! I have my own house! I love learning!

Poorly Considered Argument

Rudeness abounds in YouTube debates!
It started with a comment made by some Christian bigot.
He said something along the lines of:
"Stop having sex with holes that are meant for excrement!"
To which I responded:
"Vaginas are used for excrement."
So he said:
"Vaginas are not used for excrement asswipe, WTF is wrong with you? move the hell out of the US if you like gay, sickening perversion loser!!"
Someday the world will be filled with intelligent discussion, or I'll be dead. Either way works.

Ray Comfort... *sigh*

These people are fucking moronic.

"An atheist believes Nothing made everything."
"help to pull the plug on the rising tide of atheism"
-Ray Comfort

And this guy thinks he could take Dawkins in a debate... are you fucking kidding me?

Friday, September 4, 2009

YouTube Sucks!

After writing a lengthy and disparaging response to a Christian troll via comment I proceeded to click "Post Comment" but to my despair, when I clicked the button, instead of showing the usual "Comment Posted!" it just said "Post Comment" again! Even worse, that incredibly long comment I posted couldn't be highlighted! No copy and paste for me... So I refreshed the page and wrote the comment again. I figured it was just a fluke, so I didn't even bother copying my post... I was wrong. This time I refreshed, wrote my response, copied it, saved it in a word document, then pushed post. Still nothing. After about twenty minutes of troubleshooting, and posting, and copying, and blah blah blah, I got an error message at the bottom of my screen.
It looked like this.

Of course, I was absolutely horrified! First you don't let me post a comment (on my own video even!), then you insult my intelligence so directly and personally? Perhaps you missed it. How dare they insinuate that I "Can't read?" Those obnoxious bastards! Do they really think this kind of thing is a user error!?!

Well needless to say, YouTube has caused me too much frustration... I'm afraid I can no longer visit that wonderful (on paper) website.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Intelligent Discussion Is Hard To Come By

I'm reading a book called "Why Don't Students Like School" and let me tell you, it really has me thinking. I haven't gotten very far, seeing as I'm in the middle of moving out and have no time for reading, but the first couple of pages that I've read are fascinating!

It basically explains that humans don't like thinking. It's slow, takes up lots of energy, and rarely leads you to the correct answer. When I think about it like that it almost makes me feel bad for people who seem ignorant...
For example, I overheard a conversation about talent. Most of the people were arguing that talent is something you have to work for, while only ONE person was arguing that it was inherent. Now, this may just be semantics, but the definition of talent according to Princeton's website is:

"A person who possesses unusual innate ability in some field or activity"

Uh... Innate ability? Do you have to work for that? It seems fairly ridiculous that people don't even think about the very definition of the word when they're arguing about it, but even more ridiculous to think that the person arguing for innateness didn't even use that argument!

It seems as though my outrage with the world will not come to an end until we genetically modify ourselves to be more efficient thinking machines. For now, I will have to endure living in the minuscule minority.

Monday, August 17, 2009


Give me 30 minutes in a room with any of these kids and I guaruntee that if they haven't drastically changed their viewpoints they will within 6 months.

I am the antidote.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Anyone In Here?... *tumbleweed*

For those of you who check my blog (0) more than my YouTube (200) I should be posting a new video soon, which is big news because I don't do that often! Check for it tonight or tomorrow!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Media... *sigh*

Taliban 'brainwashed' Pakistan [sic] teen suicide bombers
Really? Well what's the difference between that and this?

The latter is too subtly harmful to hold our attention.Link

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Stealth Blogging 101

First off, tell everyone you're not going to be posting for a while...
Then, don't post for a while.
Start posting again.

Shhhh... don't tell anyone I'm back! ;)

Monday, June 29, 2009

In My Absence...

While I am away, you should check out Kayla's blog!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

My Bad...

Sorry guys. I thought I'd have more time over the summer to blog... but it doesn't seem like I'll be near computers very often. I may spit out a post or two ever couple weeks, but don't count on my usual tenacity until the school year starts again. So let's take a brief hiatus, and I'll be back posting with regularity in a couple months. Thanks!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Follow Up On New New Toy!

Well, it's been a couple days and that damn X-Ball is still just as amusing as ever.
Here are some examples of what you can make:

And here's my boss playing with it for an obscene amount of time:

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

New New Toy!!

In Chicago I bought an awesome new toy!
It's called the x-ball.
Worth every dollar I paid for it, and more. I must've spent four hours playing with this damn thing yesterday. Not only is it incredibly amusing and awesome, it's probably really good for your brain too. Supposedly it helps with coordination, creativity, and spatial processing. Even if it doesn't, it's a damn good toy. BUY IT!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Chi-town And New Toys!

Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted in a little bit... Been a busy weekend, in fact right now I'm in Chicago exercising and blogging from my brand new iPhone!!

I promise I'll be back soon to keep the blog going.

Friday, June 19, 2009

The Idiot Escapades At Computer Geeks (Part IV)

Here we are again... in moron land.
So, as it always starts, a man comes in to the store with a very, very old printer. He says he just bought it and he's only missing the power cord. I tell him that we can't help him, and more than likely, no one can. On older models like that the power cords are proprietary, and even if he manages to find a cord it'll be worth more than the printer itself.
"Well, what's the printer worth?"
"Absolutely nothing." I tell him.
So he walks out the door, leaving the printer on our counter. Half an hour later our receptionist asks if she can just throw it away. Well, I don't care, I basically told the guy that it isn't worth it at all to fix, and he just leaves it here, so yeah, I tell her to throw it out.
Five minutes go by and the guy walks back in.
"Hey, can I have that printer back?"
So of course, I'm the f*cking supervisor, I get to go retrieve it from the dumpster.
Damn printer probably broke from falling into an empty, smelly, oversized garbage can. Of course, this poor guy will never know it, because he's never going to get the power cord for it!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Almost Done... (2/16?)

It's 8:30 AM and I am about to take my final exam of this year (for Linguistics)... If I pass this exam I will receive my Associate's Degree... AT 18 YEARS OLD!
Actually, if I don't even go to this exam, I'll still get an 80% in the class... and still get my degree... AT 18 YEARS OLD! I'm still going though. I didn't wake up this early for nothing.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I'll Be Impressed If Anyone Reads This Whole Post

Yesterday I had a nice debate with my dad.
I don't remember how it started, but we ended up talking about free will.

The argument basically ran like this:
If there was a demon that could know everything about you up until the instant before you make a decision it would be able to predict with 100% accuracy what you will choose.  Most people have a definition of free will that runs somewhere along the lines of "Free will is being able to trick the demon." However, it is impossible to do any such thing.  The reason for this is that our choices are based on our personality, which is based on our history.  This personal history is made up of 3 things: genes (this may not be true, but it doesn't really matter for this argument), memories, and external stimuli.  Memories are simply the storage of external stimuli, so they don't really matter either.  But these forces that are acting upon you (external stimuli: friends, family, situations) to form your personality  are not uncontrollable, but the way they act upon you is. 

At this point my father argued that you do in fact control how your personality is formed.  He seemed to think that you can choose which past experiences you remember, or at least how you remembered them.  However, even if this is true, "you" are making that choice based on your personality, which is once again, based on your past experiences, therefore, not under control by you.  (Even if "you" somehow had control of which memories you store and how you recall them, "you" are still nothing more than a collection of previous memories, and the previous 'you's are simply collections of previous memories.  That causal chain can go all the way back up until your birth, which "you" could not possibly have chosen.  Ergo, none of the choices you make in your lifetime are truly yours.) 

This would usually be an effective disproof of the natural concept of free will, but my dad was not impressed.  I went over it a few times and pinpointed where he was getting lost.  It was around here:
If there were two identical versions of you in two identical universes about to make two identical choices they would always do the same thing.  That was what he didn't agree with.  So we simplified it.  Say there's a neuron that, when it fires, will cause you to blink.  If there were two identical universes with two identical firing neurons in two identical situations you would always blink in both universes.  He agreed with that too.  So I changed it so that the same neuron no longer controls your eyelid, but whether you'll choose toast or a banana for breakfast.  He no longer agreed.  Somehow he thought (and still thinks I would assume) that there's something that allows you to choose the outcome of your physical choices.  He said that the whole is more than the sum of its parts.  I asked him how that could possibly happen, and he had no idea, he just knew that it does.  

So basically my dad believes that even though all your choices are based on standard physical processes that occur in your brain, and in any other situation the outcome of these processes would be completely predictable, your conscious decisions are somehow affected by an unknowable, metaphysical force.  So, a soul.  He denies this allegation, but that's really the only thing it can come down to.

How about the one person who made it through this whole post? What do you think?

Do It!

If you haven't taken my advice and started reading Watchmen yet, you need to.  I'm working on a "paper" of sorts, all about it, so if you don't read Watchmen, you can't read my paper! And I need you to read my paper! It'll be incredibly philosophical and philanthropically intellectual.  And then, not only can you boast to your friends about how you've read Watchmen, but you'll be able to say you understand it better than them too!

P.S. Do NOT see the movie.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Baseball? You F*cking Kidding Me?

The world is surely in a sad state. Bryce Harper, a 16 year-old boy, is quitting high school to become a professional baseball player. He's going to make $20 million a year to play a f*cking sport. In what way is he bettering the world? People work for up to a decade getting a higher education degree so they can make, what? Maybe $100K a year (if they're incredibly lucky)? What are they going to do with this hard earned knowledge?.. Entertain people? F*ck this world.

I feel like ending this post with a quote from Idiot America:
"This is the moment in the hangover in which you discover that... things are in the wrong place. Religion is in the box where science used to be. Politics is on the shelf where you thought you left science the previous afternoon. Entertainment seems to have been knocked over and spilled on everything. We have rummaged ourselves into disorder."
America sucks.

Sunday, June 14, 2009


Tada! Phi. The golden ratio. 1.61803399 etc.

Actually, the uppercase (as is shown in the picture) more often represents (among a bajillion other things) the reciprocal of the golden ratio, or 1/1.61803399 = 0.61803399

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Here It Is...

I got my tattoo today! I'll post pictures later.

For now I'm off to pride fest with my ex-girlfriend...
Life is really strange :/

Some Thoughts On Religion

So I went to view my blog page and this quote popped up at the top:
With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.

-Steven Weinberg
I've been debating with my parents about this one for a while. Can religion really make a good person do an evil thing? Does the fact that he did an evil thing make him an evil person? Is a man who saves a kitten from a tree simply to impress his girlfriend still a good person? Is it our actions or our intentions that define our morality? What do you guys think?

Life Does Not Care

I find it hard to remember that. Everyone does.
We too often anthropomorphize life, remarking how cruel and unfair it (and sometimes even she) is. The universe is purely subjective (or so it seems). There are no lucky or unlucky people. Only perspectives and situations. The suffering, elation and apathy you experience is a direct consequence of how you view the events around you, because they have no intrinsic good or bad elements.

I don't know what the point of all this is. Perhaps it's a reminder to myself that complaining about how unfair my situation is implies that I have been wronged, and that I don't deserve it. But there is no wrong and there is no deserving, there is only perspective, and the happiness I created is it's own reward. Perhaps this rant has been to remind myself that there is nothing more beautiful than happiness suspended in an ether of meaninglessness and pure nothing. But above all, that everything I just said, and everything I will ever think is nothing but perspective.


The nice blogger over at atheistrev.com has called me out on my bullsh*t. He saw the poll on the sidebar (Do you believe in God?) and pointed out the fact that the "I don't know" is completely out of place.

I'm going to leave it for now, for fear of complicating things... but maybe in the future I'll post a new, more sensible one.

God's A Dick...

In my Linguistics class we were talking about the Tower of Babel... and I know we all realize that god is a dick, but I never really payed attention to this one before.

So it basically goes like this: all of humanity (god's creations) are working together to build a tower to heaven so that they can meet their father and almighty god. Well god, he doesn't like this at all. 'How dare they try and attain perfect happiness through cooperation!' and he makes everyone speak different languages so that all the esprit de corps is completely in vain. So since god was upset at our camaraderie, he made us forever live in discord.

The moral of the story? Peace and love are for chumps. Differences matter.
The end.
(god's an asshole)


I don't know what's happening! I'm trying to keep up my posting... it isn't working so well :/
But, you'll be happy to hear, the Kindle I got for my birthday is awesomeeeee! Reading is funnnn.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The Idiot Escapades At Computer Geeks (Part III)

Jeez... a lot of these posts lately...
This'll be a short one, I promise.

I was helping someone through a computer problem over the phone and he thought that he sounded like an idiot. He really didn't sound like an idiot until he said, "Sorry I'm so bad at this. I'm not technically computer knowledgably saavy."


Friday, June 5, 2009

The Idiot Escapades At Computer Geeks (Part II)

A lady comes in. She seems nice, but slow. I replace the power chord on her laptop. She has trouble understanding what I did. I explain a couple of times and she feigns comprehension. I know she's still lost. That's okay, you don't need to understand a computer to use it (which is a travesty). She asks "What do I owe you?" and I say "Nothing." She says "Oh, thank you..." and before I can say "No problem," she says "...Jesus!" and looks up reverently into the sky with her arms outstretched.

I should have made her pay.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Idiot America

I just bought an awesome book!
I've only just begun it, but even the intro is pure genius. It's called Idiot America. Here's a snippet. (The author is outraged at the Creation Museum's portrayal of dinosaurs on the ark and Adam as a eunuch.)
"These were impolite questions. Nobody asked them here by the cool pond tucked into the gentle hillside. Increasingly amazingly, nobody asked them outside the gates, either. It was impolite to wonder why our parents had sent us to college, and why generations of immigrants had sweated and bled so that their children could be educated, if not so that one day we would feel confident enough to look at a museum full of dinosaurs rigged to run six furlongs at Aqueduct and make the not unreasonable point that it was batshit crazy, and that anyone who believed this righteous hooey should be kept away from sharp objects and their own money. Instead, people go to court over this kind of thing.
Dinosaurs with saddles?
Dinosaurs on Noah's Ark?
Welcome to your new Eden.
Welcome to Idiot America.

Yeah, hopefully the rest is just as good. I'll keep you posted.


Check it:

Probably getting that (phi) on my upper chest... left or right shoulder?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Nerd Power, Hoooo!

I love nerdy jokes...
Particle Physics t-shirt @ SplitReason.com

I feel bad about it though, because I know the only reason I like them is because 90% of the population wouldn't understand them.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009


So... when I was in 8th grade they had us make time capsules for ourselves to open when we were graduating from high school.  I didn't go to the "unveiling" because I thought I remember everything I put in there... I was wrong.

There was a tiny note that read (in my handwriting):
"To the future me, from Callif.  I want a tattoo, get one for me.
P.S. Don't forget me."

Of course, I feel horrible... Past me would get so depressed if he knew I'd forgotten all about him (his favorite poet was John Keats... he wanted to be famously immortal), so I need to get a tattoo, because if I can't be loyal to myself I have no hope for the future.
I know, it's a rash, foolish, permanent decision... oh well.
Now to decide what to get...

Monday, June 1, 2009

A Beacon of Hope

Very rarely do I find something to rant about that gives me hope. TED Talks is one of those rare gems, a pinnacle of brightness in a bleak, cynical world.
"I'm fed up of talking about making change; you only make it by doing it."
I have such an insane amount of respect for these people. I can only hope that one day I will amount to something as great as the change these amazing people are bringing about.

Brain Damage

If you haven't heard yet, an abortion clinic doctor was killed in Kansas today. I learned this from PZ Myers, who also posted a link about getting a free pro-life book. Of course, I had to sign up for the book. It's a free book! Even if it is filled with drivel, it'll give me an opportunity to hone my argumentative logic. So I signed up, and got a verification e-mail from the author.

A cursory glance at the e-mail suggested nothing out of the ordinary... blah blah, thanks for signing up for my book. blah blah. But then, my critical reading eye started tingling...
"My father Ronald Reagan was touched by God many times, including when he was inspired to right his book Abortion and the Conscience of the Nation."
What?!?!?! He was inspired to right his book?!?!?! My poor brain is going to explode. I don't think I'll be physically able to read this book anymore.

Should anyone really be listening to this guy's opinion about moral issues anyways? He doesn't even know the difference between write and rong... bahahahaha.

Jay-Walking "Da Capital"

I wish my parents hadn't shown me this jaywalking video...

Yeah... now I remember why I'm so outraged all the time.

Thursday, May 28, 2009


I just found this hilarious website called, The Young Earth Creation Club.  I think I'm going to start a segment on my blog talking about why they fail.  Starting right now.

On their main page, they have a link called "Evolutionism is Religion."
What the f*ck is evolutionism!?!?!?


I'm so sick of seeing those stupid coexist bumper stickers.

How could they forget Pastafarianism?
Until they include us in their "coexisting" we shall strike fear into their hearts, pirating their ships, terrorizing their shores, plundering their booty.

It should look something like this:

Lazy, ungrateful bastards.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

End of The World

Where do you run to when the world is being destroyed?


Not-So-Good News For Daniel Hauser

Yes that poor child is finally in the hospital, getting his chemo...
But let's be honest, he has absolutely no chance of being a normal, rational, functioning human being. Poor kid.

New Video...?

It seems as though Kayla has tagged me to sing in a video... and of course, I must oblige, for Kayla.
It won't be my usual style of video, but it will be a video nonetheless.  I guess for now I'll just be using my account for messing around, none of my usual argumentative, atheistic stuff.
So for everyone who wants me back on YouTube, you're getting a part of your wish granted.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Idiot Escapades At Computer Geeks (Part I)

*sarcasm*Working at a computer store is such a delight. You meet some of the most wonderful people!*sarcasm*
Over the weekend I had fixed (or tried to fix) a laptop. We had brought it in thinking that we needed to reinstall the Operating System.
For those of you who don't know, the OS is basically the massive piece of software that lets you interface with the hardware. For most people, Windows XP. Reinstalling this software is a very destructive action that involves reformatting the hard drive.
I plugged in an external USB hard drive, and commenced backing up the data. A short time later I checked on the transfer, only to find that the computer had shut off while I wasn't looking. So I tried again. About ten seconds into the transfer the computer just cut off. Dead. It died quite instantly, and wasn't low on battery, so it couldn't have been the battery or a bad connection to the charger. Since it was a USB hard drive that had (probably) caused the computer to die, the motherboard is a likely candidate for failure. Unfortunately, on a laptop there's nothing I can do to fix it, so it's not my problem anymore.

The owner of the computer comes in the store today to pick up his machine, and so begins my story. This man comes in and we hand him the computer, expecting him to just leave, since we have nothing to show him, not having fixed his computer and all. But no, he takes it, puts it down on the counter and says, "No, you ain't gettin' off that easy." And the fun began.

He claimed that when he brought the computer in there was nothing wrong with it.
"So... why did you bring it to us in the first place?"
"Because the DVD drive wouldn't do what I wanted it to."
So I calmly explained that it wasn't the DVD drive itself, but the operating system that was causing the problem, and that we couldn't fix it because the motherboard was going bad.
"Well you can't just give me back a broken machine, I need a computer!"
So I told him that we didn't do any work on it, so he didn't owe us any money.
"You don't understand though... I need a computer."
I repeated that we couldn't fix it, and he would have to take it somewhere else.
"But it wasn't having that problem when I brought it in, so you must have broken it."
At which point my boss came up and asked him if he had ever even tried to plug something in to the USB port.
"You don't understand... I need my computer!"
"No, I understand, but we can't do anything about that."
"Yes, you can replace my computer!"
"Well it isn't our fault that it's broken."
"But it wasn't having that problem when I brought it in!"

That cyclical conversation went on for another five minutes before the owner of the store showed up. She wasn't in a very good mood to begin with, and when she heard the way the conversation was going she wasn't happy. She grabbed the reigns of the conversation, and didn't take any shit from him. At one point he actually said to her "Well, regardless of the facts..." She laughed, turned around, and said, "Just get out of here and sue me then." With a big smile on her face. Of course, that didn't stop him. The conversation finally ended with her saying "shoo" over and over again while he tried to explain that he needed his computer, and that we owed him the money for it.

This world is truly filled with idiots.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Chek Yo'self B4 You Rek Yo'self

If you've never heard of Ali G, boy are you missing out. You've probably heard of his Khazakstani character, Borat, or maybe even his real name, Sacha Baron Cohen. Bruno, his blatantly homosexual, Austrian character is getting his own movie sometime in the future. But, of course, the funniest of his alter egos is Ali G, shown in the following video. He is, of course, a satirist, and a good one at that, but none of the people in this video are aware of that fact... not even our good creationist friend, Kent Hovind.


Hopefully this post won't be as vaccuous as the title implies...
The concept of nothingness has always been something I've struggled with. The way I used to explain it to prospective listeners during late night philosophical conversations is as follows:

"Imagine the universe. Generally people think of it as a spherical object. Now imagine what's outside that sphere. If you subscribe to some sort of multiversal theory, just go out as far as you can and imagine what's outside of that. If you've never thought about it before you're probably imagining blackness, but if you have, you're probably struggling to imagine anything at all, which is exactly what should be going on. Blackness doesn't even begin to cover 'nothing.' It's almost unimaginable. How do you visualize, or even idealize something as 'empty' as nothingness?"

The conversation almost never went farther than that... but I have, and I will here. It becomes even more complicated when you think about what nothingess truly means. To understand the word "existence" we need a concept of nothingness to juxtapose it to. Like I've said before, the universe is a relative place. The only way we understand something is by comparing it to something else. So what is existence? The property of not not-existing. But for nothing to... 'exist' (the only verb that comes close to describing it) there cannot be anything else in 'existence'... because... well, because then it wouldn't really be nothingness, now would it? Seems like a bit of a paradox, but we can always chalk it up to the fact that just because our minds require it, doesn't mean that nothingness has a manifestation in reality. It might only exist in our minds.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Ontological Argument

V requested that I write about
"Anything, everything, something.
Just not nothing."
So I've decided to be facetious and write about exactly that, mixed in with some philosophy, because I guess that's interesting to read about.  Mike Campochiaro, a YouTube theist, once used something called the "Ontological Argument."  I swear, he must be a satirist, because this is the best argument I've heard from him, and it's a pretty pathetic argument.  It goes something (but not necessarily) like this.

1. You can imagine god
2. God is a perfect being
3. Existing is more perfect than non-existing
4. God must exist

Okay, I probably shouldn't have to explain why this is a preposterous argument that deserves no merit, but I will anyways.  Premise 1 and 2 are a bit shaky by themselves.  How do you define a perfect being? Can the human brain imagine perfection? But beyond all that, premise 3 is an incredibly pompous assumption.  How do you know existing is more perfect? In fact, I would think that non-existence is more perfect! Logically speaking, perfection cannot exist.  Since the universe is subjective, you can't explain anything in non-relative terms, therefore, perfection is an illogical concept.  For example, saying that god is a perfect being is really just saying that he's the most powerful thing you can imagine.  There could always be something better than him, your imagination is just too feeble to conceive of it.  Subjectivity.

Books... Of The Present!

Here's another endorsement of a great series of sci-fi books.
The Hyperion Cantos, which is made up of four books, Hyperion, The Fall of Hyperion, Endymion, and The Rise of Endymion.
I haven't read them for a while, but I'm rereading them.  All I remember is that it is the most epic sci-fi story ever told.  It'd be like if John Keat's poetry, Canterbury Tales, Lord of the Rings, and Isaac Asimov had a baby.  Then that baby became god and created a perfect universe.  That would be the Hyperion Cantos.

Books... Of The Future!

I've decided to get an ebook reader for my birthday. I read far too much for paper books to be efficient anymore. Now the only problem is, I can't choose between the Kindle, and the Sony Ebook Reader. The Kindle is incredibly convenient and has way more features... doesn't really seem like a huge problem, eh? Well it is, because the Sony is so much prettier.

Meh... I guess I'll just get the Kindle and deal with the ugly. I just wish it didn't have that stupid keyboard. It's a f*cking ebook reader... what do I need to type on it?!?

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes?

Watchmen... Quite possibly the greatest graphic novel... no, the greatest thing ever written. I've said it before and I'll say it again, absolutely brilliant, poetic... necessary. If you haven't read it, you need to. Seriously... I can't stress it enough. Read it, then read it again. Read it until you can recite every line from every page, until you can pick out the symbolism from a mile away. I honestly can't explain how incredible it is. Please... just read it? It's got some heavy atheistic overtones... but beyond that it's pure awesomeness...

Philosophy Time!

By reader request, I will be doing a philosophy post! (I have to please my reader(s?)) For those of you who don't know much about philosophy, it's basically the art of making yourself look like a jackass. So, here it goes.

I'm not sure if the argument is becoming more popular or if I'm just seeing it more often, but people really like using this one: "What is the meaning of life if you're an atheist?" Most people don't even dignify this with a response, but it's one of my favorite questions to answer!

First of all, atheism doesn't give you a reason to live. It is merely the belief that there is no god. So asking what the meaning of life is for an atheist is a purely personal question. Second of all, the question implies that believing in god gives you a reason to live. Let's examine this claim, shall we?
This is the part where I need to be incredibly wary of strawmen. If I do happen to make such a grievous logical fallacy, please tell me.

If you think that god gives your life meaning, you can answer the question of "What is god's meaning?" in two ways,
1. God is the ultimate meaning, he has and needs no meaning above and beyond himself.
I'm almost tempted to overlook this answer, since it seems obviously contradictory, but in the spirit of philosophical discussion, I'll explain. Objective meaning is a false concept. There is nothing that is "ultimate," be it morality, physicality, or meaning. Everything is relative. Perhaps god has the most meaning out of anything we know, but that's nothing special. Without the concept of ultimate meaning you may as well worship your T.V. remote, because god is just as meaningless as you.
2. God's purpose is higher than 'himself' and we can't comprehend it.
It almost seems like no one would use this argument; it's so self-refuting, but they do. If god has a higher purpose, said higher purpose must also have a higher purpose, or it would bring us back to option 1. It's an infinite regression.

That was a much shorter post than I was expecting... If anyone is confused, please speak up! I'll gladly elaborate.
Also, any suggestions for future philosophy posts (or any posts for that matter) would be greatly appreciated!

More Atheism In Cyanide and Happiness!

If you don't think this comic is funny, it only means you're still human.
(It's not called depressing comic week for nothing).
And if you do think this comic is funny, well, join the club.

Some Personal Poetry

I guess I'm going to start posting some poems on here... You don't have to read them, they're really more for me.


It wasn't even close to 'forever,'
Not even close to a lifetime.

A part of me was always afraid of this,
But I choked him to death,
Unnecessarily it seems,
(You were right, you SOB).
It was uttered so much,
With so much passion,
It felt sincere.

Truth is infinitely more painful,
Especially when it isn't true.

Faith Based Foolery

"...the inability to believe in God and to live by faith is the greatest of evils."
Or so says Archbishop Vincent Nichols. I disagree wholeheartedly, in fact, I think it's the exact opposite. Living by faith is the greatest evil. Maybe he should take a leap of faith... of a cliff.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Happiness, Your Name Is Cyanide... And Happiness

Cyanide and Happiness is a hilarious, politically incorrect comic with a cynical outlook on life.
Here's a snippet:

Fuel (In)Efficiency

Under the tyrannical reign of George Bush the auto industry had total control of how fuel efficient their cars had to be (to a certain extent). Of course, higher fuel efficiency means more work for car manufacturers and a healthier environment for all of us. Under the Obama administration the required average for fuel efficiency will soon be 35.5 MPG (Miles Per Gallon)... that's pathetic... but even more pathetic, the average for 2008... 27.5 MPG.

Just to give you an idea of what we're actually capable of, The Aptera, a car being produced solely in California, gets 300 MPG... It's way cheaper than a regular hybrid too. That's really sad... stupid auto execs... Does our environment mean nothing to them?

2010: Year of The Retarded Politician

Rep. Paul Broun wants to make 2010 the year of the Bible.
This is the man who thinks it's a waste of money to research a vaccine for the H1N1 virus. Is science ever a waste of money? What do you think he wants to do with it?... Bibles for everyone?

When will we learn that "politician" means "selfish prick"?
Not that all politicians have to be selfish pricks, but that kind of power does draw in a certain type of personality, and lets be honest, there's something seriously wrong with the way our government runs, and more importantly, politics in general.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Morallll Orel!

If P.Z. Myers were to make a television show it would be Moral Orel.
Of course, he probably isn't juvenile (or stoned) enough to have ever seen this awesome show on Adult Swim. That's the only network they could air it on. It's much too offensive.
So if you're a Christian, or someone who's easily offended by religious satire, don't watch this clip.

Funny stuff. If you want to check out the rest of this glorious, Christian bashing show go to Adult Swim, they've got full episodes! And if I offended you... well, suck it. No, but seriously, I'd love to hear why.

*Update On Miss California*

I have a hilarious new update on the "Miss California apologizes" post from yesterday.
Sarah Palin is defending Miss California's anti-gay statement, saying:
"The liberal onslaught of malicious attacks against (Miss California) Carrie Prejean for expressing her opinion is despicable,"
Palin continues, in a quizzically, nonsensical fashion,
"What I find so remarkable is that these politically-motivated attacks fail to show that what Carrie and I believe is also what the President and Ms. Clinton believe marriage is between a man and a woman,”
Yeah... I don't get it either.
But wait! She's not finished yet!
“Our Constitution protects us all — not just those who agree with the far left."
In an almost stunning display of idiocy, Palin proves herself to be just as delusional and illogical as Miss California herself.

Ida: "The Missing Link"

The media oversells everything. Yes, Darwinus masillae is an interesting and important find, but not nearly as much (or in the same way) as we've made it out to be. There are no "missing links" in the evolutionary tree. Species evolve slowly over time, like a slide, rather than rungs on a ladder. Don't misunderstand me, it is a fascinating find. A 47 million year old skeleton that is almost perfectly preserved, even the last meal she ate is intact. Of course, all of that is totally ignoring the fact that we might not even be descended from this species. It would be interesting if we are, but still, not groundbreaking. Science makes discoveries like this all the time. By making a big hoopla out of a petty (but interesting) scientific discovery we are only alienating the public from science (and the scientific method) even more. When we celebrate small victories like this it's almost like saying, "Hey creationists, we don't find sh*t like this very often, so suck it!" When what we should really be saying is, "Hey creationists, we found another 'transitional fossil' to heap on to the already massive pile of evidence in favor of evolution!"

If you do a Google News search the term "Darwinus masillae" you get two, count 'em, two hits. Only one of which is in English. Now search for "Ida missing link" Almost eight-hundred hits. This (and the LHC) is why mainstream media/humanity should just leave science (and thinking) to the big boys (scientists).

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Miss California: "Equal Rights For Everyone... Unless You're Gay"

A while ago Miss California made some disparaging remarks about homosexuals and her opinion that marriage is only between a man and a woman (no experimenting in college, Miss California? Damn...). Of course, being a media/attention whore that a pageant winner should be, she had to give a nice little apology speech, which is probably the most hilariously depressing thing I've seen in a while.
For your viewing pleasure, Miss California's apology:

Now watch this parody:

Almost identical videos...
What a pathetic showing of idiotic, mainstream America. Even worse, she thinks that she is the victim here!

Miss California: Gay people don't deserve equal rights (they aren't people).
The World: I don't want my children exposed to such prejudice!
Miss California: Well... I didn't mean it offensively!
The World: It's an inherently offensive statement! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Miss California: *Cries in corner*

More Pasta! More Pirates!

I was thinking... not very hard, but yeah.
I call myself an atheist as well as a pastafarian.

a⋅the⋅ist [ey-thee-ist]
A person who denies or disbelieves the existence of a supreme being or beings.

s⋅ta⋅far⋅ian [pä-stä-fär-ee-eyn]
A person who is a part of the parody religion, The Church of The FSM, whose deity is a giant, flying, spaghetti monster.

How can I be an atheist and be a part of a religion (that has a deity)? The answer is quite simple, the FSM considers himself a god, but he really isn't one. Gods are perfect, infallible, omniscient and omnipotent. He isn't even close. Have you read your bible (gospel of the FSM) lately? He f*cked up... a lot. He's still f*cking up to this day! Also, he's not the brightest pile of flying spaghetti. But we won't hold it against him... okay, yeah we will. Just consider him a demi-god for now, thereby making it logically tenable to be an atheist, and a pastafarian.
Hurray for pirates!

Blog Use...

I'm sure that nobody reads this... but just in case, I'm musing about what I should use this space for, and I figured I could use some reader opinion.

My opinions about movies and books?
Philosophical discussions?
More religious topics?

I'd love to hear some input. So comon, help me mold this blog into something enjoyable!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

He Is Returning!

This is surely a sign from the holiest of noodles, The FSM:


Repent now! Eat a bowl of pasta or something.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Jesus Is In The House

I'm watching the movie Jesus Camp, and it is just so incredibly painful. Don't get me wrong, its a great movie, one of the least biased I've seen, but its SO painful to see how insane a large majority of our country is. It makes you lose a little bit of hope, like, how do we fix such a HUGE problem? I just don't know.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

It Builds Strong Bones

I just finished watching the movie Milk, hence the horribly punny title of this post. What an excellent movie to revitalize my atheist activism. I suggest you watch it if you get a chance, it really makes you want to strive for a better world...

Monday, March 16, 2009

Evolution = False

After my recent spat with a certain creationist I began thinking about why anyone would refuse to believe in something so obviously true as evolution. Now, on the surface it seems quite clear, it conflicts with their religion; however if you look a little deeper there are ulterior motives for this crime against reason. Although it is true that having a dogma will make you incredibly less likely to open your mind to opposing viewpoints, (duh) I theorize that it is the British that are pushing the 61% of Americans away from evolution. This may seem like a careless accusation, but look at this evidence: we all know that Christians believe evil exists and should (presumably) hate it.

Just listen to Richard Dawkins here:

"I think it's scandalous how little our children are taught about evolution at school."

It isn't just what he says though, it's how he says it;
"... are taught about EVILution..."
Do we honestly expect a bunch of god-fearing Americans to believe in something called evilution? Of course not.

Ironically, until Richard Dawkins stops talking (or loses the accent) we're never going to win over the majority of the country who are still in the dark ages. Quite the predicament we have; I see no reason why he can't continue writing about the subject though (spelling it evolution of course).

Sunday, March 15, 2009

You Squidgy-Nosed Old Idol, Gunga Din!

I just made the greatest purchase since the Watchmen graphic novel.

The Watchmen Motion Comic!.. In Blu-ray! If you haven't read the comic yet I suggest you do; its pure poetry. Even though the motion comic is incredibly convenient, (just sit there and watch pretty pictures while somebody narrates) it does skip over a couple of lines, (three or four) which doesn't seem like a lot, but the story is just so multilayered that every little thing is meaningful. I can't complain though, nothing could be worse than that movie. I know I'm just being a nitpicking, philosophical fanboy, but oh well.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Bobby Henderson Can Suck It

Due to a series of recent events I have come to a shocking conclusion.

Premise 1:
In the shower I noticed that when my hair is wet it looks an awful lot like Rotini Noodles...

Premise 2:
While looking through my toddler archives I found this picture that I drew when I was four...

Strikingly similar to this:

Don't you think?

I am a prophet of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I am come upon this Earth to spread the holy word of his noodliness, to save those who fall into the grips of false religions and prophets. I am Callif, bearer of the mark of the spaghetti, bringer of the divine word. rAmen.

Please donate to the new bringer of the noodly word! Checks can be made out to "The Callif"